Low Self−esteem: Signs, Symptoms, Treatment (Woman, Man, Child, Tenager)

Age regression is an exercise of mental imagery, often resembling a meditation that was originally strongly used in the holistic circles for self-development. However, these days many motivators and psychologist use some version of this process. Why should you do this?

The theory behind the importance of age-regression is the following: many people with low confidence and low self-esteem have been subjected to strong parental criticism when young. Parents with overly high standards can break a child's spirit instead of fostering it. Every child has ups and downs in life, but the critical parent will have none of that. This parent wants the perfect-picture child to show to the world. Heavy criticism is used to bend the child to perform as the parent wishes. When the child grows up into a man or a woman and begins their own life as an adult, they might be so broken on the inside that they begin treating themselves the way the parent did. They can be overly critical and judgmental of themselves, unable to accept themselves with their faults. This can create a mature person with problems with their self-esteem and confidence.

So, age-regression will help you go back into the painful memories of the past, and create new decisions and programs about it, so that you will begin feeling differently about yourself. Find a downloadable age regression meditation if you want to work from your place, or visit an experienced professional if you need additional help and support.

There are some interesting journeys on Hypnoticworld. 

Note: This a good way, if you don't know how to help someone with low self-esteem.

According to experts, our psyche is made up of many small parts called sub-personalities. These sub-personalities are our behavioral patterns, inner beliefs, feelings, engraved programs about reality, and much more. Just to illustrate, a sub-personality is the part of you that overeats, that is critical, that sabotages your goals, the kind and compassionate part, etc.

So, when you have issues with self-esteem (e.g. extremely low self-esteem) and low confidence, this can be looked upon as a part that feels, thinks and behaves accordingly. Thus, working with these sub-personalities and transforming them into patterns of healthy behavior can change who you are, over time.

Find a downloadable meditation how-to on transforming your sub-personalities, or go to a professional, if you need extra support.

Check out orindaben.com for a good meditative journey.

Low confidence and self-esteem don't just happen overnight. They are usually a product of negative psychological experiences, accumulated over a long-time period. Perhaps you messed up your relationship or marriage. Maybe you ruined a good job by being lazy, late or drunk, or your big mouth had you losing friends.

Whatever negative experiences happened in the past, memories of them do remain inside. Some people are overly sensitive, self-critical and self-aware that they cannot forgive their inappropriate behavior from the past. They are so overwhelmed with guilt and criticism that they can become insecure with who they are, and very withdrawn, due to shame that can grow into low confidence and self-esteem issues.

Practicing self-acceptance is a way to love oneself and one's mistakes. This opens the door to forgiving oneself for what was done in the past, thus releasing the painful past itself. Releasing the past leads to releasing guilt and shame and building a new self-image of a confident self that can venture out into the world with more self-confidence and self-esteem.

Although a controversial discipline, it is part of psychology and some people use it a lot to work on inner issues, including extremely low self-esteem, low self-esteem in children, etc. These days you can download mp3 hypnotic regressions for almost any issue. There are a number of popular hypnotists that sell products particularly for low confidence and self-esteem. If you would like they also do private sessions, but these are more costly than doing it on your own from home.

If you still hesitate, do some online reading and see if you can find testimonials from people that have had similar problems and used hypnotism to help them change their behavior. 

NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is an approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy developed by Dr. Richard Bandler. Its techniques can modify behavior and help people self-improve. This is an effective approach in dealing with personality and behavioral issues that sabotage your life and performance. In fact, many professional motivators use NLP to some degree, to help people excel in every area of their lives.

NLP is very good to alleviate or completely resolve and self-esteem issues. Find a suitable professional near you, and if this is too expensive for you there are many books and CD's that have programs for self-improvement at home.

Anthonyrobbinsfoundation.org is a great place for self-esteem and confidence products.

This solution falls into the domain of alternative therapy. Dr. Edward Bach invented 38 flower essences that when used individually or combined, they can create shifts in one's emotions, mind and body. Bach remedies don't treat symptoms -- they go to the core of your feelings to work on peeling them like layers of an onion until you get to the core of the problem. 

This is not something you can do on your own. You will need to find a licensed professional, who will first do a lengthy interview with you, after which they will combine several flower essences in a tailored-for-you remedy you will consume at home.

The effects are reported to be subtle, but effective over time.

Click here to visit the Bach Centre home page.

Don't worry, I don't mean you should have plastic surgery. Low confidence and self-esteem issues often have their roots in the physical appearance. These days we are bombarded on TV by men and women with perfect bodies that spend all of their time in the gym, and due to this, they have confidence, they are self-assured and have sex appeal.

As shallow as this sounds, it is true that exercise influences not only our body, but it also has a great impact on how we feel. Many studies show that being fit will not only increase your energy and detoxify you, but you will experience better moods, a sense of aliveness, freedom and even euphoria.

If you are one of those people that has seriously neglected your body, doing regular exercise that will tone, strengthen and energize your body will change you aesthetically and this can also help you feel better in your own shoes.

So go and join a gym and see how you feel after several months.

It is said that self-esteem, courage, confidence and self-assertiveness comes form a strong stomach. It is a metaphor for warriorship and knighthood.

Martial arts and self-defense train the body, mind and spirit to function as one. However, they also focus tremendously on inner strength and resilience. People involved in martial arts appear very humble and relaxed, but they have great confidence, inner power, discipline, and are able to get things done. They have great self-esteem and self-assertiveness. 

This is not an activity for everyone though, some people find martial arts appealing, while others do not.

If you like this advice, go online on Youtube and check out some martial-art types. Then visit a gym a see how they train and what they focus on. Make sure you find a place where you will fit in and enjoy the training.

Although there are many ways to help yourself deal with your issues, there is an entire self-help industry out there, as many people don't have the affinity to observe their behavior patterns, thoughts or feelings, nor do they have the discipline and willpower to battle it on their own. If you are such a person, you may find that going for counseling is ideal for you in dealing with your confidence and self-esteem problems.

Make no mistakes - the counselor will not be able to heal for you, he wont be able to do the work for you. A good counselor will be a guide on your journey to self-exploration and self-transformation, offering strength, courage, support and guidance along the way.  

The most important decision in working with a counselor is finding the right counsellor for you. Why? Because you will need to open up to, and trust this person with you health and life. So you will be looking for someone you are comfortable with and that you can trust and feel safe with.

The easiest way to find someone you need is in yellow pages.

Maybe your self-confidence was shattered because you were bullied when you were young. This could lead to you not being in touch with yourself, and constantly worrying about what others will think or say,  approve and condone etc. This behavior leads to your self-sabotage and is absolutely destructive to your self-confidence and self-esteem.

If you have this problem, then you need to take out other people from your energy and repair your boundaries. Honor your feelings, respect yourself, your needs, wants, and desires. 

And how do you begin? Well you have heard the saying "no means no". It is an excellent saying to use in order to validate your feelings about anything in your life. Since you were bullied or abused, it is probably very hard for you to say no to other peoples wants or even demands. 

Learn how to say "no" if you find something is not in alignment with how you feel or think about it. Confidence and self-esteem are fueled by self-respect and honoring yourself and your needs without having to apologize about them to some external authority figure.

Sometimes low confidence and self-esteem arise from a negative inner dialogue. When negative thoughts and criticism plays over and over in a person's head, it is not only believed as true, but it also generates "mental mass". This means that it becomes an engraved belief that lives within an individual and it becomes the "truth" about who they are. 

It is not easy to stop this overnight, especially if it has been going on for some time. To begin with, start writing a journal where you will write down every bad thought you have about yourself during the day. Don't do anything else, but write it down. Pick a negative thought you don't like. Then make it into a positive statement. Write the positive statement down. Say it out loud confidently. Make it into an affirmation that you repeat during the day. 

For example, if you say to yourself in your head "I am not beautiful", you will shift that statement into "I am beautiful".

Whenever you "hear" the negative thought in your head say "stop!" Then place the positive affirmation after it and repeat it with positive feelings until you feel the new thought "settling in".

Give yourself a challenge. It could be doing pushups, getting up earlier, taking a course, asking someone out regardless of their answer, whatever is a challenge for you. Make sure the chalenge is really a challenge. If you can do 20 push-ups, but give yourself the task of doing 5, this won't count as a challenge. Also make it achievable. For example, if you can do 20 push-ups, challenge yourself to do 22.

By giving yourself tasks and taking action, you "unfreeze" yourself from the state of lack of confidence. You enter a dynamic psychological state which can change your apathy and propel you into a healthy state of expanding your limits. Going after something can give you a sense of success which will increase your self-worth and thus your self-esteem. Achieving something builds-up confidence and is great for changing your inner sense of self, your inner image.

Have you seen people that desperately try to be someone else? They look like a bad copy. So, when someone "solves" their problem by pretending to be who and what they are not, in reality they enlarge their initial problem by sending messages of inadequacy to their subconscious mind, basically telling themselves that who and what they are is wrong and that they find it better to be someone else. This also effectively undermines their feelings of confidence and self-esteem.

If you find that you are one of these people, then please stop. Drop the mask. Get in touch with your self and begin to love and accept yourself. After you are able to do this, you may be able to identify who you are, what your dreams, hopes and values are. Then stick to this person that is you. Be authentic, be real. This builds up self-esteem and confidence by sending your subconscious mind messages that it is OK to be yourself. 

This is a commitment to yourself that you need to value and stick to.

Taking risks is one of those things that can help you deal with the fear of low self-confidence, and build up your self-confidence and self-esteem. When talking about taking risks, it is not desirable to do something which you know you don't have a chance of doing (like bare-arm wrestling a bull) because this will just solidify your negative self-image.

So, do something simple, but achievable. Ask someone out on a date. Tell your ideas to your boss. Take a risk and take a leap. You also need to remember that things may not work out as you think they will. This is part of taking risks. This is also part of the healing process. So what if something doesn't work out? That too is part of life. Be kind towards yourself, accept that you did your best, and that next time you will do even better. Congratulate yourself on taking a chance and focus on an even better future.

Devote some time to find what your passions are. Rekindle an old flame in your heart for a hobby or an activity that you would love to do. Pursuing this can give your life much pleasure, joy and aliveness, and feeling good with your life means feeling good about yourself. 

Pursuing a passion leads to self-improvement, self-expansion, and this breaks through the chains of low confidence and self-esteem.

Some children may be overly sensitive and not do well in an environment where there are other kids with aggressive tendencies. Ever notice how there is a child bully that picks a kid and mocks him, makes fun of or even physically toys with him? These things can seriously handicap a child's self-esteem and confidence.

Other things that might adversely affect your child's confidence and esteem is problems at school. Usually, kids have problems with math, reading and gym lessons. Not performing as good as the other kids hampers their self-image.

First of all, if the problem is getting more serious and you don't how to help a child with low self-esteem, you will have to take your kid for a talk with a professional psychologist specializing in children psychotherapy.

If the problem is not so serious, then you need to take control of the issue. As a parent you are the largest support a child has in this world. You can empower your child with words and actions and instill confidence and trust within the child and deal with the low self-esteem in children issue.

Show your child its inner greatness. Tell the child that it is special, that you love it, that it is OK not to be good at something because it has other special talents. And while we are talking about that, help your child find a hidden talent or passion and work on enlarging it. By doing something the child loves, it will grow bolder and have more faith in itself. This is the beginning path to gaining confidence and self-esteem.

Why is my self esteem so low when I need to speak in public? This is a common problem for many people. Yes, some advise meditation as a way to heal anxiety, positive visualization where you see yourself as delivering a successful speech, whereas others go for hypnotic regressions. What works best?

Speaking from your heart, focusing on what you love and excites you about this subjects usually draws positive attention from the crowd and brings encouragement and support from everyone.

Don't believe me? Close your eyes and imagine giving that speech with love, being passionate about the topic, trying to relay that love to the audience. Do you see how much they love you?

So you started to dream about that first date, but as soon as you approach the person of your interest your knees give up and your mouth has trouble making words. First of all don't feel weird, you are not the first one to experience this. It is very normal, and some people might find it cute.

If they don't, turn your shyness into fun. The best dates just happen. You can't force them. Be jovial, and it even helps if you behave very casually, like you are OK if you go on a date, but OK if you don't. 

Also try to arrange a "date under disguise". That is when you invite someone to study together, or to help you do some shopping, or to work on a project together, with the difference that you might throw in a hint of dinner or some other fun activity after the formal activity is over.

One of the hardest pieces of advice to give people is on how to present themselves at job interviews if they have low confidence and self-esteem issues. The problem lies in the fact that there is no right or wrong way to do this, no "one size fits all" companies approach. It does depend on the company culture and how they do things. 

If possible do a brief research on the company. Try to find pictures on the internet. Are the employees wearing casual clothes or only suits? This can give you a hint at whether they are strict formalists or more relaxed, so you can adjust your approach. Can you find any online reviews or comments about the company? For example, we all know these days that Google has an image of a relaxed, easy-going company, while banks are very uptight.

Why is this important? Well companies that are more relaxed tend to be less judgmental, so you should relax and just be honest and be yourself. In fact, they might even be OK if you tell the interviewer upfront that you are slightly nervous. They might relax you with a friendly comment or joke and you will remove the tension from yourself.

On the other hand, if they are more uptight, they might not look favorable upon your nervousness. One thing you can do is practice a speech in front of a mirror. Practice saying your C.V. out loud, give a brief speech on your previous experience and achievements, but train yourself to do it with poise, a calm voice, and relaxed breathing. Look the interviewer straight in the eyes (or your eyes in the mirror). Train this until you can do it relaxed and with confidence.

The book "Awaken the Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins is highly recommended for working on patterns of self-sabotage, fear, confidence issues etc.

You can find it on Google books.

Is low self-esteem your pain point? The causes of low self esteem and lack of self-confidence are often the product of our culture of comparing ourselves to others in society. When we do so, we almost always find ourselves inferior to someone else, because there is always someone out there that is somehow better that us at something. We project this behavior in relationships, dating, job performance, parenting, you name it - we are always comparing ourselves to others for self-validation.

The trick to having self-esteem and confidence is to feel good about yourself. Our advice is: STOP comparing yourself to others! There can never be another you. You can never be someone else. 

If you try hard to improve yourself in every area of your life, you can become the highest expression of yourself. You can become the best version of yourself, and that is something no one can take away from you, because no one can be better at being you than yourself.

Why is my self esteem so low and how can I improve it? These days affirmations and positive visual cues are "in" and they do work. How can you use them?

Write down several negative thoughts and feelings you have about yourself. For example, you might feel that you are not attractive and hear a voice in your head saying "no one loves me." Now take a blank card (color it, e.g. pink, rose) and write down with large printed letters "I AM LOVABLE, I ATTRACT LOVE" and place this card somewhere that you will constantly see it. Every time you pass by or look at it, you will stop, read it and will start believing in it (almost like digesting the information and making it part of your psyche).

You can do this for several areas of your life, placing cards near your bed, living room, workspace, exercise area, PC, etc. Whenever you feel negative thoughts and feelings arise, repeat your affirmations feeling them to be true.

Affirmations do work. You just need to feel and believe them to be true, and then they enter your subconscious mind and do their miracle.

Note: This is how to help a child with low self-esteem, too, but be careful not to achieve the opposite effect.

When you are feeling really low on confidence and self-esteem, you have probably noticed that it is yourself that you find somehow inadequate. You are not happy with who you are. So what is the obvious solution? Change yourself, of course.

Get really quiet and peaceful, and become one with nature (e.g. go to a nice village), if you can. Feel tranquil and become with yourself (don't think about anything else). Now write down on a sheet of paper what would your ideal self be like. Describe your physical appearance, behavior, manners, lifestyle, daily activities, leisure time and hobbies, personal relationships.......everything you can think of. Imagine you give life to this picture and to yourself. Imagine you are inside that alternate reality where this is true. What are you like? What is your life like?

Come back from this mental exercise and make a list of all the things that are different in this alternate you. Write down positive sentences like: my better self is very fit, he always exercises and is very disciplined; my better self carries himself with integrity, he respects himself and others. Make this list detailed.

Now this list isn't complete fantasy. There are some things on that list that you can do right now: get some training for a better job and more financial satisfaction, join a gym, socialize more, take some courses etc. Circle two or three items on this list that you will work on in order to manifest this alternate better self. And don't quit until you are happy with what you have achieved.

This way you are not only re-shaping yourself, you are changing your life until it becomes the life that gives you joy and meaning. Do this for over a year and I promise that you will feel good and confident about yourself.

Note: This is how to help someone with low self-esteem, too.

When you feel less confident and you have low self-esteem symptoms (e.g. when you feel something is missing in your life), it is time to go within and investigate. The problem isn't always some past trauma. Sometimes the problem is simpler. You might feel insecure about yourself when you live a life that you weren't meant to have.

I know, this is a loaded statement in today's world where we all live lives that are oriented towards fitting-in and losing our core self.

Many people feel bad about themselves because they are "receiving" a deeper impulse from their soul, their inner self, their core, that they are here to do something else in life, to fulfill a dream, a sense of purpose. This is called "the hero's journey".

No matter what you do in life, following your core and dream creates a sense of power and euphoria, a sense of aliveness that is best described by living your bliss.

If you are not familiar with these terms or ideas, then it is time to read about them. One of the best philosophers and proponents of this school of thought was the late Joseph Campbell. Who was he? He was many things, but it enough to say that George Lucas was his student and he based the Star Wars saga on Joseph Campbell's teachings.

I recommend you read these two books by Mr. Campbell (an American author and teacher best known for his work in the field of comparative mythology). They can inspire you to change your life for the better.

1. Pathway to Bliss: Mythology and Personal Transformation
2. The Hero's Journey

There are many online courses or courses you can download that can help you overcome your low self-esteem. They contain lectures, video materials, breaking negative patterns of thinking, enjoying life and much more. 

This course by Melanie Fennell is popular in the self-help industry.

Many people that have self-esteem issues don't really have a problem they suffer from (e.g. in their childhood, or a recent trauma). In fact, one of the causes of low self-esteem might be that they have a problem with the society they are part of.

Yes, it sounds strange, but you may be exhibiting values, needs, desires and a general outlook on life that is not part of the culture you are raised in, or at least not popular at this time.

For example, if you are part of a society where people that work hard (workaholics) are honored and looked upon, but you feel a need to balance your work life with outside activities that make you feel good, your friends and family might look down and frown upon you. Basically they are trying to change you so you can fit in. This can leave you feeling bad about yourself, having doubts and sense of insecurity about yourself, your value and your beliefs.

So write down your likes, wants, values and beliefs on a sheet of paper. Then write the values of your culture in a separate column. Is there a collision of values? How many items are colliding? How much are they disharmonious?

At the end of the day, happiness comes from being true to yourself, so realizing that you do not need to follow cultural programming can be very liberating and empowering. You do not have to accept values that you don't like. 

Being a teenager is not easy for you. You are going through a process of change and self-identification and you are defining your identity and place in the world. Yes, not fitting in is the major cause of low confidence and teenage low self-esteem issues at your age.

It is natural and normal to feel the way you do. What is not good is dwelling on them. You cannot feel good about yourself by forcing yourself to fit in, by doing what doesn't come natural to you.

So, one way to fit in, to find your social space, and at the same time honor yourself is to find "your thing". What do I mean by that? Try enrolling in as many things as you can: drama club, music club, orchestra, sports, science clubs, gyms and athletic clubs etc. Find where you fit in naturally, find what you love to do, what you are good at. 

This in itself will build up your confidence and self-esteem. You will also meet and be able to socialize with people with similar interest to yours, which will in turn increase your confidence even more.

When your child has emotional problems like a lack of confidence and self-esteem, you may have noticed that your child closes down and doesn't wish to communicate. First, this doesn't mean that your child is fine or doesn't want your advice. They do, they just can't express themselves in such a vulnerable way. So you need to initiate the conversation.

Remember that your child wants to hear positive, empowering words. Tell the child all the good and strength you see in it even when the child tells you that you are embarrassing it. And speak in its language - use teenage language and jokes!

1. When your child is open and willing to talk go directly to the point: ask the child what is hard and difficult in its life. Go to the source of the potential or existing problems by focusing on what is important in the discussion. So topics for you: sex, dating, being (un)liked/(un)loved, being bad at something, being ridiculed, being lonely/not having friends etc.

2. Make a day in the week your traditional lunch-out date with your kid, where you will be like friends having fun and talking about stuff.

3. Ask if you can attend its athletic or other group activities. Observe how you child interacts around others and see if you can give any pointers later. Just make sure parents are allowed and OK at these events.

4. Initiate conversation over a movie. It helps talk about "stuff" when the kid concentrates on a movie and popcorn.

5. Ask for its opinion on various matters.

1. Speak positively to yourself and reduce your self-criticism.

2. Focus on what you do best and feel it empowering you.

3. Aim at being your best self.

4. Avoid "perfection" by seeing what it really is - a trap to never feel good about oneself because perfection can never be achieved.

5. Don't focus on your shortcomings and mistakes - see if you can learn something from your actions.

6. Empower and expand your potential by doing new things.

7. Enroll in a fitness or martial-art school.

8. Set achievable goals with deadlines and actually do them.

Many children go through rough emotional periods without their parents knowing about it. If you are a parent and suspect that your child is going through some psychological issues, please read through this list. If your child exhibits some of these symptoms then it might be suffering from low-confidence and self-esteem:

1. Holds its head down.
2. Doesn't make eye contact when talking.
3. Talks very quietly.
4. Has difficulty in accepting compliments, it always expects criticism or ridicule.
5. Likes teasing and name-calling others.
6. Avoids physical contact.
7. Has emotional outbursts or "acts out" in melodramatic ways.
8. Is always apologizing.
9. Speaks loudly and aggressively and is rude.

If you notice any of these signs, talk to your child and fight together.

It is very normal to feel awkward after pregnancy and is perfectly natural to feel "not-so-good". Most moms agree that these things help them feel better and have more confidence and self-esteem:

1. Lose the pregnancy weight;
2. Take care of your hair, perhaps try a new hairstyle;
3. Play with a new makeup to make your face "glow";
4. Take care of your skin after the pregnancy by using some new cosmetics, drinking plenty of water and sleeping regularly;
5. Work out at home or go to the gym to tighten your body;
6. Change your wardrobe, buy something that fits your new style and yet makes you feel attractive and sexy.

Whatever you are feeling right now is normal. Remember it is not about you - sometimes people are just a bad fit. From this perspective, a break up can be a good thing if it frees people from a bad relationship or poor future. Read the advise bellow to give yourself some "self-help".

1. Realize that many of the things your ex said during the break-up are not true;
2. Be very gentle and compassionate with yourself;
3. Forgive yourself for all the mistakes you made and try to learn from them;
4. Don't try to avoided the pain by jumping into another relationship. Learn to be with yourself for a while and to be good about it;
5. Socialize and meet new people;
6. Do those things you weren't able to do while with your ex;
7. Engage in some fun project or voluntary work;
8. Create a new self-image by improving some of your shortcomings;
9. Learn to value and appreciate yourself, believe that you deserve the best;
10. Learn to accept your feelings of vulnerability - this too shall pass if you allow it to;
11. Have a positive outlook by believing the future holds something even better for you;
12. When you must think about the ex, avoid idealizing the person or the relationship - it wasn't all roses, remember?

1. Learn to love and accept your body. You have the right to experience sensual pleasure no matter how you look.

2. Learn to honor your sexual needs and rhythm.

3. Stop comparing yourself to other people/bodies/lovers etc. You are unique.

4. Stop watching pornography - it actually damages the libido and healthy sexuality.

5. Enroll in a yoga class, it will greatly aid you in getting in touch with your body.

6. Join a sexual therapy group if you have been sexually victimized. Associate with similar people and give eachother support.

7. Enroll in a tantric sex class to get in touch with and heal your sexuality.

8. Get some exercise and get in shape. Feel good about your body.

9. Engage in emotional self-healing like age-regression or emotional release if you have sexual trauma from the past.

10. Do some reading on the subject of sacred sexuality and sexual healing. These two are great books on the subject:

a. The art of sexual magic - Margo Anand, and

b. The art of sexual ecstasy - Margo Anand.

1. Have sex, and have it regularly.

2. Move your body by working out (anything is good for you, yoga is probably best).

3. Pamper your self by changing your routine, going on a shopping spree, treating yourself something you have always wanted etc.

4. Live in the present moment, stop daydreaming about your past and look forward to the future that awaits you.

5. Stop comparing yourself to your past self or to other younger women. You are perfect as you are!

6. Find yourself a new purpose in life - is there something you long to do that you never got around to doing?

7. Start a new healthy eating plan to deal with the physical changes you are experiencing in a better way. 

8. Create and plan some "me-time".....and enjoy it!